When Jake was born, someone asked me how it felt to be a Mom. I said it was like my heart was outside of my body. I love him with every ounce of my being.
Then a co-worker told me that being a parent was the best and worst thing a person could do. Parenthood brings the most joy and the most pain. I'd always hoped that my children would bring me more joy than pain and so far that is true.
But there are so many things out of a parent's control. There is no way to control a drunk driver, a bully at school or other random evils of the world. The world had my heart in its hands.
Sadly, no matter how much we worry about our loved ones or fight to keep them safe, we can only control so much. Our worlds can be turned upside down at any moment. We want to think we have the power to keep our loved ones - our children - safe, but we don’t. Not entirely. There is so much beyond our control. With this said it is easy to understand people who don’t love with all their hearts, because the more you love the more you open yourself up to pain. I can’t live that way though, and if you care enough to come here and read this you probably can’t either.
Scary, huh?
I don’t have any great wisdom about how we can deal with living and loving in a world that can be so cruel. I wish I did.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I'm so grateful to be a MOM!
Yesterday I spent the entire day with my little girl. It was her third birthday! We slept in, ate breakfast together. Took our time getting going and then headed off to the mall. It was a quiet, simple day with no agenda, no hurry, no "Come on Hailee, we have to go."
We wandered through the Disney Store touching and playing with everything. How many people can say they actually stopped and played. There always seems to be a hurry to life. Hurry to go to work. Hurry to drop the kids off. Hurry to make dinner. It was great to just soak in the time with my baby. She's not much of a baby anymore. Hailee has her own ideas, opinions, thoughts.
She has many dislikes and many, many likes.
Hailee walked into Build A Bear and she was completely overwhelmed. Her big blue eyes opened even wider. Too many animals to choose from. Eventually she choose a brown fuzzy bear. Her "Princess" Bear was given five baths and Hailee spent about five minutes combing her hair. Clothing and shoes for her bear were very easy. She knew exactly what she wants- a pink princess outfit with a crown, of course. We spent two hours in the store, again, touching and playing. We got our nails done. We went to McDonald's to run around. We had a party at night. She was one very busy and very spoiled girl!
Three years ago I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. There were a few complications, but nothing serious. I remember at one of the ultra sound, the nurse said she was 90% sure it was a girl. She was the girl I always dreamed about. Paul said, "What am I going to do with that?" He was raising two boys, girls are a totally different ballgame. Her ultrasound picture looked like a smooshed little puppy. One day she will forgive me for that comment. She came out beautiful and healthy. It was love at first sight.
Paul is now Hailee's biggest fan. When she is in trouble, she calls for her Daddy! When she wants a big hug, she calls for Daddy! When she wants to swing by her feet, its Daddy she calls.
Paul is an amazing father. He's the big tough dad who can fight the ghosts and monsters away. He's the sweet guy that will read stories and cuddle with the kids. He's also the rough, tough Dad who will chase the kids down the street as they ride their bike or wrestle with the kids. Every once in a while, its also the bad Dad who will give time outs. He wear many hats that all say Dad.
Not until last year, was I ever so grateful for my two healthy kids. I'm sorry it took my nwphew to realize that there can be so many complications and problems. But my kids are two walking miracles. Here are many, many people that can't have kids or have had to bury their child. I am truly grateful for the gift of my children.
I cherish every moment I have with Jake and Hailee. Even the ones when I am yelling at Jake to stop hitting Hailee, or when Hailee is having a melt down because I don't have the right dress for her to wear.
The years go by so fast and someday she will be going to kindergarten, graduate high school and college. She will fall in love and get her heart broken. She will get grounded. She will go to prom and Paul and I will be waiting up for her when she missed cerfew. Paul will have the father/daughter dance at her wedding. We will survive and enjoy all of these things and look back and laugh about the dolls she used to play with.
My hope is that she becomes a smart, independent, happy woman. My hope is that we are giving her roots and wings so that one day she may soar.My hope is that God will give me the strength and wisdom to be the best mommy I can be!
Happy Birthday Baby! Mommy loves you more than I will ever be able to express.
We wandered through the Disney Store touching and playing with everything. How many people can say they actually stopped and played. There always seems to be a hurry to life. Hurry to go to work. Hurry to drop the kids off. Hurry to make dinner. It was great to just soak in the time with my baby. She's not much of a baby anymore. Hailee has her own ideas, opinions, thoughts.
She has many dislikes and many, many likes.
Hailee walked into Build A Bear and she was completely overwhelmed. Her big blue eyes opened even wider. Too many animals to choose from. Eventually she choose a brown fuzzy bear. Her "Princess" Bear was given five baths and Hailee spent about five minutes combing her hair. Clothing and shoes for her bear were very easy. She knew exactly what she wants- a pink princess outfit with a crown, of course. We spent two hours in the store, again, touching and playing. We got our nails done. We went to McDonald's to run around. We had a party at night. She was one very busy and very spoiled girl!
Three years ago I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. There were a few complications, but nothing serious. I remember at one of the ultra sound, the nurse said she was 90% sure it was a girl. She was the girl I always dreamed about. Paul said, "What am I going to do with that?" He was raising two boys, girls are a totally different ballgame. Her ultrasound picture looked like a smooshed little puppy. One day she will forgive me for that comment. She came out beautiful and healthy. It was love at first sight.
Paul is now Hailee's biggest fan. When she is in trouble, she calls for her Daddy! When she wants a big hug, she calls for Daddy! When she wants to swing by her feet, its Daddy she calls.
Paul is an amazing father. He's the big tough dad who can fight the ghosts and monsters away. He's the sweet guy that will read stories and cuddle with the kids. He's also the rough, tough Dad who will chase the kids down the street as they ride their bike or wrestle with the kids. Every once in a while, its also the bad Dad who will give time outs. He wear many hats that all say Dad.
Not until last year, was I ever so grateful for my two healthy kids. I'm sorry it took my nwphew to realize that there can be so many complications and problems. But my kids are two walking miracles. Here are many, many people that can't have kids or have had to bury their child. I am truly grateful for the gift of my children.
I cherish every moment I have with Jake and Hailee. Even the ones when I am yelling at Jake to stop hitting Hailee, or when Hailee is having a melt down because I don't have the right dress for her to wear.
The years go by so fast and someday she will be going to kindergarten, graduate high school and college. She will fall in love and get her heart broken. She will get grounded. She will go to prom and Paul and I will be waiting up for her when she missed cerfew. Paul will have the father/daughter dance at her wedding. We will survive and enjoy all of these things and look back and laugh about the dolls she used to play with.
My hope is that she becomes a smart, independent, happy woman. My hope is that we are giving her roots and wings so that one day she may soar.My hope is that God will give me the strength and wisdom to be the best mommy I can be!
Happy Birthday Baby! Mommy loves you more than I will ever be able to express.
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